Choices Lost, Chances Taken
by pagerunner
Summary: Garrus and Shepard start growing closer in the aftermath of Thane's death. Set partway through ME3, and roughly a companion piece to Remembrance and A Word of Advice, also posted here.


Shepard was propped up in the medbay, playing reluctant patient and getting a few scrapes patched up from the last operation, when Garrus discovered her hunched around a datapad, frowning. "Everything all right?" he asked when Dr. Chakwas withdrew - feeling weary himself, if he had to admit it, but in the commander's presence, he knew where his priorities were.

"I was checking through reports after that last mission." She scrubbed her hair back from a dirty forehead. "Got a message I wasn't expecting."

"From whom?"

"From Kolyat."

Garrus' mandibles twitched with some surprise. "Krios' son? What did he have to say?"

"Just… an update, really. Wanted to let me know that he'd be helping with the refugees for a while. Thought he should let me know what was being done, where he'd be…." She paused. "I wasn't expecting him to keep in touch. We've all got our own troubles. Still…. nice of him."

"Yeah." Garrus took a seat next to the cot as he thought things over, too. There was something, really, about Shepard still getting mails like that….

She raised one eyebrow. "What exactly are you smirking about, Garrus?"

"Last I checked, Shepard, there wasn't a turian in the galaxy who could smirk."

"I know you. That expression's close enough."

He cracked at that, allowing himself to sound as amused as he felt. "I'm sorry if this sounds rude under the circumstances… but I couldn't help but picture it. What might have happened if you and Thane had been able to stay together longer."

She remained in nonplussed silence. Garrus elaborated. "Stepmama Shepard," he said. "That really would've been something."

Shepard's eyes widened. He could practically see the gears turning in her head as the idea took hold. "Oh, God," she said, falling back against her pillows with a thump. "Can you imagine?"

Garrus chuckled. "I'm trying to."

"Me with a teenage son… that's just…." She paused, listening to him laughing. "So what is this, exactly? You're mocking my maternal skills?'

"Nah. I bet you'd be good at it. I mean, I know how you are at dealing with people. Showing them the errors of their ways. Keeping miscreants in line."

He meant it as a tease, but Shepard shook her head. She glanced down at the datapad again, rubbing one thumb over the letter's edge. "I wouldn't call Kolyat a miscreant, Garrus. He's a good kid."

"I seem to remember you having to fish him out of a whole lot of trouble."

"I seem to remember having to fish _you _out of a whole lot of trouble," she countered, and he had to concede the point. It didn't hurt that she blunted it with, "And you turned out all right, after all."

"Well, you know. I was an awfully fine specimen to begin with."

Shepard swatted his arm with the datapad. Garrus laughed. He'd just started to settle back into contented silence, though, when she caught him by asking, "Did you ever think about having kids of your own?"

He blinked in surprise. "Me? Oh, not since… I don't know if I ever seriously thought about it, to be honest."

"Hmm. Family always seemed important to you."

"Oh, it is. But… first I was busy getting honor and duty pounded into me, and then I was tied up with things at C-Sec, and then it was this damn war…." He wryly added, "Besides, you know me and my long and storied history with relationships."

Her lips quirked. "You mean Miss Reach-and-Flexibility?"

"She wasn't the only one I ever had, thanks. But… yeah. Nothing exactly lasting." He thought back on it, sighed and shrugged. "There were a few cases where I hoped something might work out. But it… never seemed like the right time."

Shepard's voice went a little distant. "You have to take the time when you can, Garrus. Especially now. Take what you can and hold onto it."

He guessed immediately who she was thinking of. "Yeah. I'm sorry."

"No, it's all right."

She leaned back, staring off into the middle distance. She was doing that a lot these days, Garrus thought. Ever since the coup, she'd changed. Still dedicated, still driven - perhaps even more so - but this quiet sadness of hers in the moments between… this was new.

"So how about you? Did you ever think about having kids?" he asked, carefully stepping toward whatever it was she wasn't quite saying. Shepard's mouth twitched.

"You mean if we survive all this?" she asked, a little dryly. "And if Cerberus didn't skip a few non-essential systems?"

Garrus flinched. He hadn't even considered that. "Not that it's a comfort, but I'm pretty sure they'd want everything working perfectly."

"I'm sure they would. But if even Miranda-"

She cut herself off. Garrus frowned, puzzled, but Shepard just sighed and shook her head, acting oddly as if what she'd been about to say wasn't her story to tell.

"Not even sure if it matters," she answered. "It's like you said. There was always something else. The military, my career, this war…."

"Yeah." He exhaled slowly. "We're just a couple of old soldiers, huh?"

"You bet we are."

"It's not the worst life. May feel like it sometimes, but you know we're doing things that matter."

She nodded, silently agreeing on both points.

"And maybe someday after we kick the Reapers' asses, we can adopt a whole herd of war orphans and raise them up to be as crotchety and stubborn as we are."

"Hah. Might be a plan." Shepard's smile returned, tilted differently this time. "You and me, huh?"

He nodded, but stopped himself from answering, because her expression was oddly distracting. He didn't even recognize it as looking flirtatious until she leaned forward again and said, "Why, Mr. Vakarian. Me as the mother of your children? I'm flattered."

"Oh. I. Ah." He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I walked right into that one, didn't I."

She poked him again. "Sorta did."

"Well." He hesitated. "Are you…."

He trailed off again. Shepard's smile had turned fond, but there was still a certain sadness lingering behind it. At last he told her, "I shouldn't even tease, considering. Thane, I mean."

She took a minute with that one, but in the end just shook her head. "I'm getting through it. It's a long process. But you hardly said anything unkind. Besides… I can't imagine facing any of this without you." She snorted softly with laughter. "Even if it's hordes of rampaging krogan toddlers."

"Spirits. I think we're doomed."

He was chuckling right along with her until he felt her hand light over his.

She only seemed to mean to do it as a reassuring squeeze, but she also didn't let go; soon he wasn't sure which of them needed the reassurance most. So he leaned closer, too, until his forehead rested gently against hers. Her breath caught, but she didn't stop him.

"Whatever you need," he told her, "I'm here."

"Thanks, Garrus," she whispered. Then she sat back. "For now…."

"Yeah?"

"Come with me to the war room? I've got a couple scenarios to run through… could use your eye on it."

"Absolutely," he told her, and helped her up. Ordinarily she would have shrugged it off, but she let him support her for a little while, and even when she did let go, she stayed close.

He didn't quite dare say it yet, but deep down, he hoped she always would.


End file.
